I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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