I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
