my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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