Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
