Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
