I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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