My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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