I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
