Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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