How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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