Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
