If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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