I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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