where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
