Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
