I'm gonna have a badass scar
everyone is single if you try hard enough
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
