what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
