I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
