I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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