Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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