He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
