sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
