There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
