I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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