i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
