watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Sober January is a disaster.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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