Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
