Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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