Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
