So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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