Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
