I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
