How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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