how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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