There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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