i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize