why didn't you poke me back
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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