Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Randomize
