maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
