I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize