dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
