i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
