Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
