i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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