I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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