I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
