how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i now understand why vodka
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
