Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
