yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
