Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
