Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
zippers are such a cool invention
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
