In the future we'll all be gay
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's blow job season.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
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