is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
