woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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