I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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