What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
