the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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