That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Who died my cat blue again?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
