I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
