Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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