The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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