dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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