just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
