i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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