Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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