It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
