is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
