I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
