u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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