How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
